we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
