Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize