but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
