You made me cry and you don't even care
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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