Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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