Umm I'm too high to move.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
