Whod you bang
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
