um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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