is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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