I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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