some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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