Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
