Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
