benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
