A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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