last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
