So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
