There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
