I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
