You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Randomize
