there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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