my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
