whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
