God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
