Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
