if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
True strength comes from lack of pants
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
