hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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