Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
