Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
