Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
