For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
