Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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