Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
