It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
