you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
