Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize