I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
