I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
