why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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