I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
