I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
