Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
