She announced her abortion via fbk
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
