we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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