I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
