My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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