their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
