Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I miss vodka workout Fridays
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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