Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
