I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
