what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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