Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
