Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
