Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
