I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
