it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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