i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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