when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's the barista slut.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Boobs speak an international language.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
