I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
