i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
