So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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