Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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