i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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