just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
only if we run a train.
done.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
