Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
