also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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