Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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