thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
