You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
soo... how was my night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
